Haunting of a First Love
by Rosa Cotton
Summary: Facing the unwelcome task of choosing a marriage partner, a grownup young man from London recalls a maiden from Neverland who years earlier won his heart and soul.


Disclaimer: _Peter Pan_, all characters, places, and related terms belong to J.M. Barrie. The plot, however, is mine.

Author's Note: I know I should be working on updating certain chapter stories, but this was just begging to be written. The rating is just to be safe. This fic happens after the '03 movie. Please let me know what you think.

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Haunting of a First Love

I watch the waltzing couples on the dance floor. I attempt to appear interested in what Ann Barry, the bank manager's daughter, says to me. She opens her fan and looks at me from under her long golden lashes. I smile weakly at her and nod. Glancing around, I see Father watching me, a displeased expression on his face. Seeing the warning in his eyes, I half-heartedly ask Miss Barry if she would honor me with a dance. A delightful smile lights her face, causing her blue eyes to sparkle at me, and she lays her gloved hand in mine. We step onto the dance floor as a new waltz begins.

It feels strange holding her so close to me: our chests nearly touching, her hand resting delicately on my shoulder, my arm wrapped around her small waist. I will not deny she is lovely tonight: her blue dress suits her cream color complexion, making her lips seem rosier and her eyes greener; her dark blond hair is piled atop her head. But her beauty is dull and common to me.

For in my eyes all the young ladies here are of glowing complexion, light eyes, and shining hair; all can sing like angels, dance gracefully like fairies, speak in low voices soft as music. They are all the same. And among them Father expects me to pick one whom I will spend the rest of my life with.

Yet I want none of them, for not one of them is like you.

Why have you not faded from my memories after all these years? I left my childhood behind long ago. Ten years it has been since I laid eyes on you. Several hours we spent together; yet not a word did we share, for I do not speak any language besides English. I really did not take notice of you, for we were, after all, in the clutches of Hook. But you took notice of me and unknowingly stole my heart in that single short kiss. I was only a lad then. It was only much later I realized what had happened between us, realized just how beautiful you were – are – to me. Yours is a beauty I have searched for in vain here in London.

None of the ladies who've crossed my path have your brown-copper skin, dark eyes, or raven-black hair. Father waits eagerly for my interest to be sparked in one; yet none of them are you. You would not glide across the floor in the dresses that are the latest fashion. You know nothing of the slow, boring steps we dance to great classical music here. English manners would be below you.

You do not belong here in my world. All I can see is the fire in your eyes as you circle the fire in a leaping, drum-pounding dance, full of spirit, free. You would gaze at me, a hundred words in your glance, and I would understand. Yet I long for you to be by my side, always.

First loves pass with time and are forgotten. But you have come to haunt my every waking moment and my dreams each passing night with growing intensity as the years slipped by. I have forgotten many things about Neverland. But you I remember as clearly as though it was only yesterday we met. You refuse to leave me, always there, your smile flashing before my eyes, and your laughter echoing in my head.

I miss you, little Tiger Lily. I wonder how you are, if you ever think of me. How much time has passed in Neverland? Do you remember me, little Tiger Lily? Or have you long forgotten there ever was a boy called John Darling whom Peter Pan brought to Neverland along with his sister and brother? Would you know me now? I've changed, grown up. And you, are you still the young, proud Indian princess I met during my childhood? Or have you grown, become leader of the tribe? Are you –

I shake my head slightly. I will not think of such things. I dare not even linger on the possibility of you, my Tiger Lily, belonging to someone else. It is not possible.

Ann softly calls my name, and I recall where I am. I look at her to see concern shining in her eyes, for me. I should be touched, but I am not. She asks if I am well. I see Father watching us with great interest out of the corner of my eye. Gracefully I lead her away from the crowded dance floor, from the eyes tracking us, to a secluded balcony. I am fine, I lie to her, forcing a smile onto my lips.

Relief and admiration shine in her eyes. I look away, disgusted by this revealing glance. I do not want it. Without warning, she brings my head down to hers, kisses me. My eyes close of their own accord. In this sea of blackness and oblivion it is your lips I feel, taste on mine again. It has been too long…

My name breathlessly reaches my ears, and I pull back in numb shock as I watch Ann smile dreamily at me, her cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling. I almost groan. It was not you I thought I held a moment ago. I did not mean to betray you. Forgive me, little Tiger Lily.

I simply lead Ann back towards the ballroom. Father will be waiting. But I will not be able to please him; he will have to decide for me. I am sorry, little Tiger Lily, for I shall unwillingly betray you yet again and again. Yet be sure you are my first and only love, and I shall not let you go.

THE END


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